You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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