fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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