Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
