Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
