bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
