Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
