I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
