I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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