I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
