Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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