I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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