waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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