why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize