he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
