so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
