i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We smell like vodka and hangover
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