and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
