Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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