Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
