Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
