Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
