i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
