im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
