I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
tell me about the eggs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
