that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
