dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
