When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
