I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do herpes really smell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
