my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
