dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
