all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize