ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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