i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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