Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
