people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
