it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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