i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
