Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize