why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
