Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
