I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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