Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
