I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
