Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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