the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
