i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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