called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
