You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
