thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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