One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
