I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
