I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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