I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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