I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize