The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
