He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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