i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
