Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
