I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
