my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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