Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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