apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
