Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
