my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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