we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just forgot I was standing up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize