I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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