I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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