Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
