Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
