ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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