Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Panties = found
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
