Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
