oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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