And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
