when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
