i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
