Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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