nut hugger
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
