I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
