so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
