Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
