I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
