I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
