remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
