highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
