Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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