I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
