I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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