oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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