There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my shit smells like andre
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
