I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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