The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
