Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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