I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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