Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
