i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
