at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
