Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize