the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
