sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize