I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he fucked my hip out of place.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
