i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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